Think about all of the people you see on a daily basis. It’s a lot, right? Between school, work, home, and simple outings, you encounter a lot of people. Now, think about who you consider your best friend or the main group chat that depicts your main friends group. How many people is this? Well, according to TikTok and many psychological theories, this number should be seven.
THE SEVEN FRIENDS
- The friend you’ve had since you were little
- The friend who could make you laugh in any situation
- The friend you can go on forever without talking to, but nothing changes
- The friend you can tell anything to
- The friend that’s like a sister
- The friend you can’t imagine not being friends with
- The friend who knows all about your relationship problems, even though they don’t want to hear about it
By having multiple different friends to depend on, the weight of your problems and the emotional pull of your relationships is spread more evenly, decreasing the likelihood of overwhelming your go-to person. This avoids concepts such as the Pink Person Theory, which was introduced by author Aniya Holmes, and describes the person in people’s lives that everyone goes to for emergency life advice, which ultimately decreases the focus they have on themselves and increases their overall stress.
Quality over quantity is key here. It is good to branch out and explore new relationships and connections, but expecting everyone you become remotely close to to be your bestie is the wrong way to look at it and unrealistic in a way that will simply lead to disappointment. And, focusing on numbers can lead you to ignore important values you have about the ones you want to be close to you, so don’t let someone’s presence become a check mark on this list of friends, and become more important than the boundaries you have set for yourself.
On the other hand, British anthropologist Robin Dunbar suggests that the perfect circle of people includes up to 150 members. His research, based on “early hunter-gatherer societies as well as a surprising array of modern groupings: offices, communes, factories, residential campsites, military organisations, 11th Century English villages, even Christmas card lists, showed that relationships often greatly diminish when this number is exceeded. This often led to larger fallouts as the concept of holding on and keeping up with this many individuals was just too much to handle. This theory, though, has levels to it.
Dunbar’s “Magic Number”
- Tightest circle: 5 people
- Good friends: 15 people
- Meaningful contacts: 150 people
- Aquaintances: 1500 people
Overall, it’s difficult to be super close with everyone you wish to be; there simply isn’t enough time in the day to maintain that. But, this doesn’t diminish the power that a friendship can hold and definitely should not be your sign to stop meeting new people, because your circle will constantly be changing throughout your life – and that’s okay.
Source: https://www.verywellmind.com/7-friends-theory-8612512
