Everyone has a time in their lives when they are insecure about themselves because of something someone has said. Sometimes we have even changed something about us that someone else didn’t like. We overthink and get into our own heads because someone said, “Oh, that sweater doesn’t look good on you,” or “Whoa, your hair looks crazy today,” when stepping out of your comfort zone or simply being yourself. Humans are programmed to judge others silently, or maybe, if you’re unfiltered, say them out loud. It is simply because we ourselves have been judged before, and it seems okay to say them to others. The reason why some people may judge more heavily, to the point it sounds mean, is because they have deep-rooted insecurities in maybe something they commented about you or someone else. So how do you combat these thoughts and stop changing yourself for someone else? Let’s start with what we like about ourselves.
Gratitude:
We forget to appreciate the things we like about ourselves because we are so focused on our flaws or things others don’t like about us. Thinking about things we like about ourselves is a good way to deal with negative comments. It doesn’t matter if you like something about yourself that others don’t. For example, maybe you love your loudness, and someone might think you are annoying or too loud. Fun fact, you don’t have to stop being loud and extroverted just because someone doesn’t like that quality you have. That leads us into our next step!
Be yourself:
Absolutely, be yourself no matter what. If you don’t dress or act the way you want to, how will you truly like yourself? We, as students, have listened to people who tell us we should wear something different or change our hair once in our lives. It is a natural cycle that we follow that can be broken. Wear that dress you think you are going to get made fun of for that you really like. Go style your hair in a way you have been wanting to. People will judge no matter what, and life is short, so do what you want.
Spotlight Effect:
The spotlight effect is realizing people don’t care that much because they are focused on themselves as well. Everyone looks in the mirror before school, thinking about the people who will comment on their outfit or even their personality. If you think everyone is looking at you for one, they arent and for two, they are most likely looking at you because they think you are cool or are complimenting you in their head. Even if they aren’t, put it in your head instead of thinking they are judging you. Put a positive thought like “oh, they think my shirt is interesting,” or “they like the sparkle on my jeans.” Most of the time, they are worrying if their makeup was blended all the way or if their outfit is cute.
Remember, people judging you is just a projection from themselves. Wear what you want and act how you want! Everyone is focusing on themselves and probably doesn’t give you a second thought. Don’t doubt your self-worth from people’s comments. Appreciate yourself for your best qualities.
