Everyone has gone through a toxic friend or romantic breakup. You can’t spot red flags as clearly as you think, which could lead to mental health problems. Although red flags aren’t just in romantic relationships, you could even find them in friendships. If any of these match something, maybe someone you know, respectfully talk to them about it. PS: Everyone is different, and it doesn’t mean you are a bad person if you or someone you know does one of these. Unhealthy relationships are not normal. Please talk to an adult if you feel like you are in an unhappy or toxic relationship with anyone.
Weaponized Incompetence
A quick and simple explanation is that when someone does a task badly on purpose, they aren’t asked to do it again. This isn’t nearly as bad, but please communicate if you or someone else tends to do this. If you really don’t want to do something, you don’t have to. Most of the time, this shows you want control over what you are doing without communicating your needs. This could be to manipulate emotions.
Fast-paced relationships
If you are noticing your partner is trying to jump faster than you like, that could be a red flag. If you are in week one and your partner is trying to initiate kissing or even holding hands, this could end short. Going full speed into a relationship without anytime to breathe is harmful for both of you. Love takes time and doesn’t rush. If you feel rushed into something, that isn’t okay and requires communication. Most fast relationships have not stayed together past a year. If you truly want to try with your partner, please take it slow.
Treating other people poorly in public
Always make sure whoever you are friends with or are dating, they are nice to employees or waiters. Respect should be given unless they gave you a reason not to be. If you are disrespectful to others for no reason, that shows how rude you can be to those you are close to. If you complain to the waiter when the food is taking longer than you would like, please leave my life!
Emotional invalidation
You have maybe heard the phrases, “you are so dramatic” or “I was only joking, don’t be so sensitive,” from someone you love. Please talk to them. When someone you love is invalidating your feelings, even if they are controversial to them, that is not okay. Everyone’s feelings are valid, whether you agree or not.
Refuses to admit they are wrong
If every argument or disagreement ends with them trying to prove they are right, that is arrogance. They are insecure about being wrong. This can lead to prolonged resentment and problems in the future.
Constant white lies
Have you caught your loved one telling a story, and something is just off? Then maybe you figure out that part of their story was lied about or overdramatized. If this happens constantly and it bothers you might want to talk to them. This could mean they have or will lie to you about bigger problems. This links to pathological liars who get themselves into bigger issues.
All or most conversations are about gossip or drama
I can’t stand having to hear gossip and who did or said what in my ear. Someone who chronically gossips has nothing better to say or talk about, and they will get themselves in stupid drama that maybe didn’t even involve them at the start. Maybe this person is subconsciously getting themselves into drama without even knowing. No one cares who your “opps” are or who gave your friend a dirty look. Having a gossip sesh with my friends is fine once in a while, but it gets old really fast. Stay away from people who bring you into drama.
Can’t go out of their way when they are able.
I have always dreamed about my future partner to be someone who cleans the dishes when I’m sick or injured. Everyone wants someone who can do things for you when you are unable. It makes me so frustrated when people won’t go out of their way to help people when they are physically struggling more than they are. If my best friend said she has had a rough week and has been bedridden for the last week, you bet I’ll be down there to clean up her house, get her some medicine, and make sure she is okay.
Intense need for privacy
Some examples of this are hiding their phone, being defensive when asked simple questions, and finding out little things they didn’t tell you that mattered to you. This is the most straightforward red flag there is. This could mean they are hiding something even more important behind your back.
Aggression or defensiveness in minor situations
Do arguments feel like you’re being attacked by them, or do you feel that they are victimizing themselves? This isn’t okay at all, and it shouldn’t be your fault. They are black and white thinkers. Thinking that it is all of their fault or if it’s all of your fault. Either way, an argument should never be aggressive or shameful. An argument is just a disagreement with another that needs communication to be solved.
